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Things I saw on TV last night:

1. A man, dressed as a woman in a very skimpy dress and with frankly quite disturbingly realistic fake breasts, who would suddenly flip from lispy and girlish mode to running round smashing things and gurning horrifyingly. At one point he ate a plate and then burst into tears.
2. A show called ‘Kiss League’ on which men arm-wrestle a very strong man called ‘No Kiss Man’ – their prize, should they beat him, being to kiss a pretty lady. Nobody managed to.
3. A man with Michael Jackson’s ponytailed haircut, slightly oversized pale blue aviator sun-glasses, a very solemn expression on his face and an eye painted on his hand (which he used to ‘see’ by holding out palm outwards in front of him), bursts in on an art class and sets about trying to unnerve the life-model. He puts a leaf in her hand, and a blue feathered mask on her face, and then sits down and begins to sketch. Instead of drawing her, he draws a map of Hokkaido – Japan’s northernmost island.

Sometimes, Japanese television is exactly like my dreams.

Also: an advert in which David Beckham turns to camera, smiles, and says: “Like blooming flowers: One love. Be sweet.” Incidentally, Beckham is massively popular and famous in Japan – quite possibly even more so than in Britain. He and/or Victoria seem to be on just about every other advert. Probably only the pop band ‘Smap’ out-do them for number of television appearances per day… but then Smap actually present every other programme…